silence

Have you ever felt alone?

Like the kind where you can hear and smell memories in unintentional silence?

It's odd. But I like odd. I have an idea….

Some people say it really isn't healthy to spend too much time by yourself, but I think that if you are uncomfortable with hanging out with yourself, you know, one on one, then something is wrong. So here it is…

I'm not saying go build a hut in the middle of nowhere and chill out for two years with only worms and an empty backpack. (I still think Into The Wild was a terrible idea.) I mean, take a day or two and spend it alone. Write something weird and funny, see a movie, go eat dinner somewhere. it's exhilaratingly awkward.  You might hate it… that's a part of it. but it's healthy…

So I've been in California now for 2 weeks now and I'm not gonna lie, i really miss my family. I'm on a journey. I don't know all the details but thats simply what it feels like.. I've had a lot of time in silence and I'm painfully learning to accept it. To embrace it like a new friend. To drive alone without my GPS. To have a moment that is really funny and turn to share it with my empty passenger seat.

We've always been moving moving hustle hustle since we were really young so it's like I'm not "trained" to sit down and watch a movie and not feel an odd sense of guilt. I don't even know where that guilt came from but its always been there. Sarah and I used to get jealous of our friends when they were sitting and we felt like we needed to wash the dishes or throw away pop cans when the middle of the movie hit.

That was our fault.

Its ok to let go and chill out. Dance like nobody is looking. ( I did that yesterday) :) 

I am learning that, to live in the moment is the best way to live. In no way do i mean without discernment and safety and brains. I mean, breathe in the air that is surrounding you this very second. Wave your arms around and watch them move, they're working. Right now it's all working. God just planned for that tree to sway that way. In THIS moment. Every flap of a birds wing in a part of the big story... We forget sometimes and regret. Like a bride on her wedding day says" It all went by so fast, I wish I would've slowed down to see it more clearly and enjoy it" … or right after a big show " I was so nervous I couldn't think about anything and then it was over so fast! I didn't get to do it like i wanted to!" …. 

I wrote something the other day in my journal. It went something like this. "Remember and accept the past for what it is… prepare yourself for the future…. but live in the moment because it is just as important as all the rest."  I've been living by this and I like it.

It's hard. I like a challenge.

So I challenge you to do the same. 

That is my idea. Let me know how it goes and tell me on twitter. @Juliaallynn. I love you all.

- Jewels